wartortles:

sometimes u just need ur genitals massaged by someones mouth u know

(via sadsturbation)

dalestuckies:

i hate seeing people my age who’ve got their life together already like what the fuck

(via feelingxxwicked)

ckings:

vogelbird:

THINGS I LIKE

• when people use my name in conversation
• when people say “this reminded me of you!”
• when people remember little things i say/do
• when people genuinely thank me for things i’ve done for them
• when i think of the same thing at the same time as someone else and you give each other the look
• Worshiping Satan and eating children 

well that escalated quickly

you guys i opened a door to let the dogs out and a fucking spider ran across my foot inside and then i was screaming and my mom dropped a plastic bowl on it to not let it run away and then it fUCKING GAVE BIRTH ON THE FLOOR IN THE BOWL AND THEN WE WERE BOTH SCREAMING

WHAT DO I DO

ITS STILL IN THE BOWL AND ITS JUST HAVING MORE BABIES

FUCK

IT DROPPED MORE BABIES

MY DADS LIKE GASSING THEM WITH SPRAY AND ITS STILL GIVING BIRTH

YOU GUYS THOSE ARE ALL BABIES

FUCK MY LIFE

There is only one solution:

(Source: inlouhazthrusts, via the-krusty-crew)